The Death of the Full Service Gas Station

Why do I have to get out of my car to put gas in it? Where the heck do all the high schoolers work these days?

Oh, I forgot, they don't work because their Baby Boomer parents give them a $100-a-week allowances to enable their respective drug habits.

My father used to tell me stories of how he pumped gas and washed windshields as a kid -- it gave him some pocket cash and was a great way to meet chicks.

But the Baby Boomers that used to fill those jobs when they were younger grew up and phased it all out when they started owning those gas stations, building a ridiculous amount of them and not wanting to pay one more person than they had to. Now instead of getting the royal treatment while paying up the ass, I have to do everything myself and really pay up the ass. That's not capitalism, that's an oligarchy.

It was once a cultural institution and eventually became, ironically, a romantic image of Americana. It was a place that instilled a sense of community because everybody knew each other and it helped people get to where they want to go. Now the guy on the other side of the bullet-proof windowed cashier's office doesn't speak English and I'm only there in the first place because the Baby Boomers made it a necessary evil.

My windshield is dirty and I'm bitter. And I'm moving to New Jersey.