Tom Brokaw

As the wheels went off the last presidential debate, and as neither candidate even gave the pretense of answering questions, we had an opportunity to see Tom Brokaw for the empty suit, faux average-Joe-American that he actually is.

Brokaw was the debate moderator (even though he is technically no longer even a working journalist). He is stuck in that brief period of American history when TV commentators were actually a part of Americans' lives, and he is desperate to be remembered as one of the legends: Murrow, Cronkite...ehem...Brokaw.

Brokaw loves to sum up the garsh-darn nature of American society, and his book about Baby Boomers, nauseatingly called "Boom!", did just that: "The heady, sweet aroma of marijuana frequently permeated the air. As thick as the smoke were the four-letter words that suddenly were everywhere."

Yes! The Baby Boomers invented getting fucked up, and curse words?!? Are you sure?

And is it at all relevant that marijuana today is more prevalent, more legal and more potent than it was when The Beatles discovered it at Woodstock in 1969? In case you didn't know, every rock n roll moment worth mentioning occurred at Woodstock. What? You weren't there?! Oh, it was crazy. But that's just how it was back then.

In any case, Brokaw was clearly not listening to a single answer Barry or Mac were giving. He's too busy concocting his scheme for the takeover of "Meet The Press". Ever heard of a follow-up, Brokaw? Or how about maybe holding the candidates' feet to the fire and making them answer a question directly instead of letting them recite their stump speeches? Is this a debate or an episode of "Hee Haw"?

At the end, when the candidates accidentally walked in front of the camera, Brokaw's swashbuckling baritone cut out mid-syllable, rendering him speechless.

"Uh, you're in the way of my teleprompter," he said.

The words he missed? "Thank you for joining us, Americannsh." God-forbid this phony had to actually think on his own for a half-a-second. Goodnight America's lamest generation.