AIDS

Because we all know it was a Baby Boomer who fucked that monkey.

Joe Lieberman

Where would we be without your guidance, Joe, you arbiter of social and moral values?

Despite what you think, the Internet doesn't cause terrorism. According to this recent New York Times editorial, Lieberman is pressuring YouTube to "pull down videos he does not like," particularly hundreds of videos produced by alleged Islamic terrorist organizations or their purported supporters. Beyond the unconscionable First Amendment violations implicit in Lieberman's witch hunt is the reality that the INTERNET CANNOT BE STOPPED. It is a massive community where the free flow of information will continue, despite attempts at censorship and control by the likes of China, Myanmar and the junior senator from Connecticut.

If it's not YouTube, then it'll be JihadTube or any number of video sites. Is this campaign demonstrative of the Baby Boomer's lack of forethought and understanding of technology? Or is it just a bullshit PR attempt to demonstrate that Lieberman is "fighting the war on terror?"

Either way, it is the same Clintonian at-all-costs political mentality that led you to buck the will of the voters after losing the Democratic senatorial primary in 2006 and dropping out of the party. Just because you take the worst positions from either side and mold them into your opportunistic political identity does not make you "independent."

The Family Sitcom

You flip through the channel guide and curse at the unrequited picture box of television: "A million channels and nothing on!"

These are the moments that make me want to do so some Baby Boomer Beat Down. Why are you people making us watch these shitty family sitcoms -- the same fucking ones -- for the 30th year in a row?!?

Is anyone aware that Jim Belushi has his own sitcom? Yes, Jim Belushi, brother of John (who actually lived up to his Baby Boomer potential by overdosing before he could sell out and turn into Chevy Chase). Jim Belushi couldn’t light a candle in the wake of one of John’s farts and now he has his own family sitcom? Whaaaaaat?

I read in history books that the Baby Boomers espoused hope and benevolently radical ideas. Their crappy pot made them lose those ideas, apparently, because you're not fooling anyone -- "The Jeffersons" is just "All In The Family" with black people, and we've known it all along.

When I was a kid I learned about setting up a joke from Lucy, I found out about despicable racism from "Good Times" and I was amazed by the power of imagination through "The Muppets." When the Baby Boomers took over, they substituted in the crackerness of Drew Carrey and Tim "The Toolman" Taylor -- if you've laughed out loud at either one of these two shows, I can say without reservation that you have no sense of humor (ask your friends, they'll back me up).

It's a classic Baby Boomerism. Take a basic concept that works, and drive it into the ground. Keep producing the same show with worse actors.

Please……Please……Don’t watch this shit anymore. If Jim Belushi having his own family sitcom doesn’t keep you up at night, think about this: He is the entertainment culmination of the grooviest generation.

Temporary lay offs. Good Times!
Easy credit rip offs. Good Times!
Scratchin’ and surviving. Good Times!
Hangin in a chow line. Good Times!
Ain’t we lucky we got ‘em. Good Times!

The Death of the Full Service Gas Station

Why do I have to get out of my car to put gas in it? Where the heck do all the high schoolers work these days?

Oh, I forgot, they don't work because their Baby Boomer parents give them a $100-a-week allowances to enable their respective drug habits.

My father used to tell me stories of how he pumped gas and washed windshields as a kid -- it gave him some pocket cash and was a great way to meet chicks.

But the Baby Boomers that used to fill those jobs when they were younger grew up and phased it all out when they started owning those gas stations, building a ridiculous amount of them and not wanting to pay one more person than they had to. Now instead of getting the royal treatment while paying up the ass, I have to do everything myself and really pay up the ass. That's not capitalism, that's an oligarchy.

It was once a cultural institution and eventually became, ironically, a romantic image of Americana. It was a place that instilled a sense of community because everybody knew each other and it helped people get to where they want to go. Now the guy on the other side of the bullet-proof windowed cashier's office doesn't speak English and I'm only there in the first place because the Baby Boomers made it a necessary evil.

My windshield is dirty and I'm bitter. And I'm moving to New Jersey.

Divorce

The Baby Boomers have a divorce rate triple that of their parents. Triple!

The long-term familial damage of divorce and the unforeseen consequences for multiple succeeding generations is so selfish, short-sigted, me-me-me Baby Boomer that it makes me want to throw up at the local police department "meeting point" where Mom drops me off to be picked up by Dad.

Divorce, a means of dissolving lifelong commitments, was never employed by any other culture or generation to the extent that the American Baby Boomer used it. Now there's girls in high school popping RU-486 because Baby Boomers made it socially acceptable to hit the do-over button -- even on an institution defended politically as "sacred" and exclusively crucial to our Judeo-Christian virtues.